Why God, whyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Those words could summarize my entire prayer life during the worst season of my life. I could not understand why God continued to deny me the one thing I
demanded requested. It was a reasonable, even honorable request. ‘Life would just be so much better if God would answer this one thing’, I reasoned, ‘then I would know He cared for me, that He really does love me, that He is able to do what He says’. Why then, when SO much of my faith in God seemed to hang in the balance, did He still refuse to answer?
I still remember the pain of that season; I remember the questions, the hurt and the anger. Yet looking back, I see the whole season differently. I still can’t explain the reasons ‘why’ it happened, but I no longer look back on it with bitterness of soul. It was through that season of “less faith” that I came to have “more.” Let me explain:
When “Less” Faith is More
Take one ounce of 10 karat gold, and refine it into 24 karat gold (purer gold). You will now have less than one ounce of 24 karat gold because you have removed its alloys (anything mixed in with the gold that isn’t gold). Once refined, it seems as though you have less gold than you had at first, but what you have left is purer gold. And though it looks like less, it is worth more.
I believe the same can be true of faith in God. Mixed into our faith in God are alloys of faith (such as faith in ourselves, faith in our own ideals, errant beliefs about Him, etc…) And sometimes God uses the painful experiences of life to draw out those errant beliefs. Faith in our own greatness, our own righteousness or strength, as well as other faith alloys rise to the surface; they become easily seen because they fail us in the pressure of hard times. Yet through those hard times, God’s amazing character is slowly revealed to us in unexplainable and life-changing ways.
In my case, God used the worst season of my life to remove the belief that He was unloving and harsh. I wanted Him to remove the difficulty itself to “prove” to me He loved me. Yet He refused. In a way that only God could do, He revealed His kindness and His grace IN those difficulties, I would even say THROUGH those difficulties. I still marvel. I still do not understand how He did it. I wish I could explain it better. I can only point you to the God of all grace because I know it was Him who did such a great work in my life. When I was at my worst, God was still His greatest.
If you relate to the above struggle, perhaps your faith is being refined. Know this: “the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” (I Peter 5:10) God wants to show you more of His character so that your faith relies only in the amazing character of God and not in yourself. True faith…is worth so much more.
“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:7